Well, it’s obvious that I am a huge R.E.M. fan. Anyone who has read the blog or knows me at all is well aware of that fact. I am also a journalist. I ask questions, find answers, speculate and report. So when I found out that there was going to be an R.E.M. tribute in New York with Patti Smith and Elf Power/Vic Chesnutt, I said “Someone has to cover this.” My best friend said, “Why not you?” So I sat and thought.
According to priceline, the flight ticket there and back will be about $150. VIP tickets to the show go for $245 while balcony go for $38. All the proceeds of the event go to charity. And of course, I can’t afford Taco Bell, much less this awesomeness. So here’s the deal. I’m listing 10 reasons why someone should send me to the event in NYC. I was going to do the whole serious reasons thing but I need some humor right now.
10) Instant Updates: Wanna know exactly what’s going on in real time? I swear I’ll twitter you the instant anything interesting happens. Yes, I stole the idea from REMroaddog but that should show you how cool this could be. Imagine this tweet: Blueshades: “Holy cow, Patti Smith singing Orange Crush. Who would’ve thunk?” or “Peter just jumped onstage half-naked and danced to Stand. Laughing so hard I might die”. You send me, I’ll tweet you.
9) Spacesaver: Fortunately for me, I’m pretty compact. Perfect for carry-on luggage and overhead compartment space. Or, if you have a private flight, I fit easily into the cargo hold, thus saving you valuable leg room and keeping the journalist in the dark. Once we get to a hotel/apartment/venue, just stick me in a closet. I’ve spent much time in a dorm. Believe me, a closet is an upgrade.
8) Video: Want some footage of people doing things they might love/regret/sue over later? I’ve got a Flip. I can upload it to you via youtube or do some interviews. Nothing’s for sure but who knows what can happen? Maybe we’ll all just go on some crazy road trip to NYC and I’ll tape the whole thing.
7) Analysis: Did Elf Power rock it or drop it? (most likely they’ll rock) Did someone put in a half-hearted attempt? I’ll give you a non-biased play by play. Honest. Any biases will be put aside as much as possible if you wish. I’m not biased. Really! Athens music junkie? Pfft! I swear that I will not spout how awesome R.E.M. is. What do you think I am? A fan? Like, wishing them happy birthday and stuff? Yeah right.
6) Fandom: I know R.E.M.’s stuff. The songs, the history, the trials and triumphs. If you want someone covering this who knows the original drummer’s name and the name of Stipe’s first cover band, I’m your junkie. What’s Peter’s toothbrush colored like? Boxers or briefs? (boxers, btw.) You can rest assured that I won’t call Peter Mike or Mike Peter. But they may call out my current restraining order…
5) Experience: I’ve interviewed the likes of Otis Redding’s family to Randall Bramblett. I’ve sat terrified in front of microphones and cameras and experienced each sensation of nervousness and near vomiting you can imagine. So I think I can conjure up just the right amount of excitement and fear you require.
4) Humor: I have no sense of it. Sorry. Sarcasm is a no go too.
3) Torture: I listened to Kinky Boots. And lived. I listened to Johnny Jingo. And lived. Anything Mike Mills can dish out, I can take. I’m like the guys in 300 without the muscles…and capes…and swords…and motor skills…
2) Puns!: It’s not the end of the world if I can’t be leaving New York on Thursday since I just can’t get there from here. I’m hoping some pretty persuasion will get up the support I need to walk unafraid into the show.
1) Begging: I’m not above it.
So there you go. 10 Reasons someone should have the heart to take/send me to NYC this Wednesday to cover the R.E.M. tribute at Carnegie Hall. I’m actually serious about wanting to go, thank you. If you do want to help and want a resume or contract or something, email email@example.com. Thanks for reading and have a great week.